If the idea of self-love makes you roll your eyes, you’re not alone. For many people, the phrase conjures up images of bubble baths, positive affirmations in the mirror, and an almost forced level of confidence that just doesn’t feel realistic. If you’ve ever thought, “I don’t need self-love, I need to get my life together,” or “That’s nice for other people, but it doesn’t really apply to me,”—you might actually be the person who needs it most.
Here’s the thing: self-love isn’t a feeling. It’s a practice. And like any practice, it starts small. Sometimes, the first step toward self-love isn’t loving yourself—it’s simply accepting yourself as you are, as messy as you may feel, right now.
Why Self-Love Feels Cringy (and Why That’s a Sign You Might Need It)
For some, self-love feels inaccessible because it’s been marketed as something soft, effortless, or overly indulgent. If you’re the type of person who struggles with self-criticism, perfectionism, or just not feeling “good enough,” the idea of self-love can feel like a joke—like trying to leap from self-doubt straight to self-admiration.
But self-acceptance bridges the gap. It’s not about loving every part of yourself overnight—it’s about acknowledging who you are, without shame or resistance.
Ask yourself:
Do I speak to myself in a way I’d never speak to a friend?
Do I dismiss compliments or struggle to take credit for my successes?
Do I believe I have to “earn” rest, kindness, or joy?
If any of these resonate, self-love doesn’t mean forcing yourself to feel worthy—it means practicing the idea that you already are, even if you don’t fully believe it yet.
Why Are We so Hard on Ourselves in the First Place?
The way we speak to ourselves—whether with harsh criticism, self-doubt, or even self-hatred—is not a personal failing but a learned survival strategy. If we’ve grown up seeing self-criticism modeled as a form of motivation, or if we’ve been made to feel that love and acceptance must be earned, it makes sense that we would internalize those patterns.
Over time, we come to believe that being hard on ourselves is the only way to get things done, simply because it’s the only way we’ve known. But just because something feels necessary doesn’t mean it is. The fact that we’ve always done something a certain way—or that others have treated us a certain way—doesn’t make it the best or healthiest approach.
What worked (or seemed to work) in the past was a response to circumstances, not proof that suffering is required for success. The real question is: Is this way of treating myself actually serving me now? Because if the answer is no, then it’s time to consider that a different approach—not self-punishment, but self-acceptance—might get us further, with far less collateral damage.
The First Step: Practicing Self-Acceptance
Instead of trying to force self-love, start here:
🌀 Neutral Observation – Instead of labeling parts of yourself as “good” or “bad,” practice seeing them as just parts of you. Notice your thoughts without judgment. And, DON'T judge yourself for judging yourself! If you're in the habit of self-judgement, it's going to come up. Accept this reality, and practice simply letting it pass without fueling it in the moment. Over time it will stop coming up so strongly.
💭 Reframing Inner Criticism – Next time you catch yourself in self-judgment (“I always mess up,” “I’m not good at this,”), ask: Would I say this to a friend? If not, try softening the thought instead of shutting it down.
⏳ Allowing Yourself to Be in Progress – You don’t have to be a finished product to be worthy of kindness—from yourself or anyone else. Remind yourself: I’m learning. I’m evolving. I don’t need to be perfect to be enough.
Self-Love That Doesn't Feel Like a Lie
Once self-acceptance starts to feel more natural, self-love becomes less about “feeling good” and more about treating yourself well—whether you feel like you deserve it or not. It’s:
Setting healthy boundaries instead of people-pleasing or pushing others away.
Feeding your body because it needs nourishment, not because you “earned” it.
Resting without guilt, and listening to your body's signals that it needs it.
Letting yourself enjoy things without overanalyzing if you’re “worthy” of them.
Self-love isn’t about hype or blind positivity—it’s about building a relationship with yourself based on trust, care, and acceptance.
And if it still feels cringy? That’s okay. Start where you are. You don’t have to love yourself loudly—you just have to show up for yourself in small, steady ways. The rest will follow.
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